Thankful Thursdays

Today, I am thankful for...

1. Summer camps. Church camp was a HUGE part of my life as a youth and I am so thankful that lives will be changed this summer at camps. This will be the first summer in a long time that Ryan nor I will be taking an active part in camps as a camper or counselor, but we are definitely excited to hear about the changed lives of our friends!

2. The zoo. This is the 2nd summer we have had a zoo pass and Matthew is very excited about going to see the me-me-muls (animals)!

3. A storage room. I am so glad we have a storage room in our basement. I have no idea what we would do with everything if that didn't exist. It's amazing, I had a garage sale 2 months ago and already the garage sale pile is quite large for this fall!

4. The idea of a full night's sleep. Ella is still not consistently sleeping through the night. And on the off chance that she makes it through the night, Matthew seems to wake up and cry about something. I think it's a conspiracy! I am still hopeful that one day I will sleep through the night again.

5. Online bill pay. I do not know what I would do if I had to write checks for everything. I think I am still on my first order of checks from when Ryan and I got married almost 6 years ago! We use our debit card/online bill pay whenever it is available! I LOVE it!

Have a great weekend!

Thankful Thursdays

Today, I am thankful for...

1. Viruses. Yes, I cannot believe I am typing it either. We have had several viruses at our house this Spring. Although, fevers, cranky kids, and clinginess are somewhat irritating after awhile, I am thankful that all we are dealing with are viruses. My babies are healthy and happy most of the time, so I figure a virus here or there is a walk in the park compared to what others have to deal with.

2. A little mini vacation. We are going to see Adam and Rachel's new house! They recently moved into a beautiful home close to Cincy and we are stopping by for a visit soon! Can't wait to see them!

3. Scrapbooks. I am almost completely caught up on our scrapbooks. With only about 10 pages to go, our scrapbooks will be up-to-date. The problem is, life continues to happen, so by the time I finish these 10, there will be 10 more waiting I'm sure.

4. Sunshine!

5. Tootsie rolls. It is never a good idea for me to buy tootsie rolls. I have the final 4 wrappers of the bag I purchased on Sunday sitting in front of me right now. I ate them ALL!!! They make me happy, so therefore I will not worry about what other rolls they cause on me at the moment and savor the final one.

Enjoy the long weekend!

Thankful Thursdays...

I thought about making an excuse for not having done this in awhile, but decided that would be silly since it may have been six months since I last posted one. Anyway, my absent Thankful Thursdays certainly do not mean I have nothing to be thankful for. Here is an update.

Today, I am thankful for...

1. Matthew and Ella. Matthew turned 21 months old yesterday and Ella will be 6 months old next week. I cannot believe how big they are getting and I find myself enjoying each moment more and more. Matthew is very good at recognizing his ABC's and his numbers (except he never says 3... he says, "1, 2, 1, 4, 5, 6,...) Not sure how to fix that one. He knows many of his colors and some shapes. He is quite active and loves being a boy! Ella can sit up by herself and has tried just about all the baby food items. She loves Gerber puffs and Mommy loves that she can feed them to herself while I cook or clean or something...

2. Ryan. They have been busy at work since spring hit. He has been working long hours and then as soon as he gets home Matthew and Ella want his undivided attention. He does such a good job providing for our family and is still involved in all that goes on at home!

3. My job. I have had the opportunity to wear a bit of a different hat at work recently. I have been coordinating some wellness activities for our staff and the community. It has been fun and a bit of a change of pace from the regular stuff I do each day!

4. Busy weekends ahead. We have plans every weekend from now through June. We have friends getting married, a trip to Cinncinati to see Rachel and Adam's new house, church receptions to plan, baby and bridal showers to attend, birthday parties... the list goes on. Typically, I might be a bit hesitant to put this on my thankful list, but after our successful trip to St. Louis, I am looking forward to more opportunities to go on short little trips/outings.

5. Our garden. We are getting ready to plant the garden as soon as we are sure the frost is gone! We can't wait to have fresh tomatoes/cucumbers from the garden this summer!

Hope you have a great week!

I used to wonder...

When I was a child I used to wonder what it would be like to be a mommy. I would carry my dolls around, play house and dress up for hours. I was sure no one could take care of my dolls better than me (even though sometimes I colored on their faces or forgot to put their clothes back on them).

Then, I became a teenager. I didn't care what it was like to be a mommy and I certainly didn't think I needed my mom telling me what to do.

Then, I went to college and I missed my mom so much! I wanted her advice and for her to tell me that all that was wrong with the world would sort itself out and I didn't need to worry.

Then, I became a nurse. I watched people become mommies and watched people lose their mommies. I celebrated and cried with families over both.

Then, I got married. I certainly could not have picked a better partner in life than Ryan, but we had so much fun just being together, that we didn't know if we would ever have children. He had a great career and I was busy getting my Master's.

Then, I became a cynic. I saw women with their children and said things like, "When I become a mom, I will never let my child behave in such a way."

Then, my sister had a baby. I saw how much love our nephew created and I knew that I wanted someone to call me Mommy.

Then, I became a mom and everything I knew flew out the window.

As the years have passed, I have realized 2 things:

1. You only get one mom. I have an incredible mother, one who would do anything for me. I do not know what I would do without her. I am so thankful for my own mom and for all the women in my life who have acted as a mother at one time or another. Women have an amazing way of nurturing other women and I am certainly grateful for all the wonderful women in my life!

2. There is nothing quite like being a mom. It certainly has its share of craziness, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The 2 precious babies in my life make each day an adventure!

Happy Mother's Day to all the women out there who have impacted the life of another person. Whether you have biological children or not, you have been a mother when someone needed it most and the world is a better place because of YOU!

Family pictures

Well, this started out as a Mother's Day surprise, but Daddy has a little trouble keeping secrets. It worked out great because we ended being able to get our family pics taken at the same time. Here are a few of our favorites.

Behind again

Still in our jammies!

Playing under her jungle gym.


Caleb, Jacob, Ella & Matthew on Easter!

Well, I must say my blogging skills have definitely fallen by the wayside. I cannot seem to get down here to post anything in a timely fashion... Here's the latest: Matthew is 20 months old. He currently has croup, but a mild case and he is on the mend. He LOVES to play outside with the neighbor kids. He is in love with his little sister and is very protective over her. When I take them to the Y to the childwatch program, when I return the first word out of his mouth is "Ellya!!" He is so afraid I am going to forget her! Uncle Kyle is the only person he will talk to on the phone. He is very curious about other kids. The other day at the park he was going up the stairs when 2 little girls about his age came up to him and they all just stared at each other. One of the little girls put her arm around him and patted his back (future mommy). I couldn't get the camera out of the bag fast enough!

Ella will be 5 months old on Sunday! Her favorite hairstyle is pig tails as long as Mommy can get them done on the first try. She slept through the night last night, although I wouldn't say that is the norm around here. She is still often waking up once per night and thinks she needs to practice her vocabulary (which consists of squeals and jabbering). Daddy does not hear any of it, but Mommy gets to enjoy late night discussions with Ella. She has been able to avoid the croup up to this point. She LOVES to swing and play outside as well. She is eating cereal like a champ most of the time and is almost sitting up. She is working on her 3rd tooth and will be ready for some real food soon! She hates her tummy and rolls over almost instantly anytime someone dare put her on the floor! She also thinks her big toes taste good. I had her in a dress on Sunday and whenever I put her down she would throw her legs up in the air and put her feet in her mouth!

We are enjoying the spring weather! We took Matthew to the indoor water park in Shipshewana a couple weeks ago with Jacob & Caleb and they had a blast! Daddy even got to go down the big slide while we were there! Looking forward to having lots more fun in the water this summer! Well, that hopefully gets you pretty up-to-date with our little family. I will try to do better! Have a great day!

Little Stinker

Matthew cracks me up!! He has recently learned to shake his head no and is using this new trick much more often than Mommy thinks is necessary. He has also learned several new words over the past couple weeks thanks to Uncle Kyle and Grandpa Dave (constipation and sperm whale to name a few). We find ourselves laughing at him all the time and love it that he is developing his own personality. He is trying to put 2-3 words together and form sentences, but currently it sounds very jumbled and Mommy and Daddy are usually the only ones who know what he is saying. He is at the library right now with Daddy and Ella and I are supposed to be cleaning. So far, I have the floors swept and mopped. Looking forward to a fun weekend with the family! Better get back to work!

Mommy's little princess

Ella was baptized over the weekend (pictures of that soon). As I watched her this weekend, I realized that my little girl is already 4 months old and she is changing everyday. I also realized how much the Mommy in me has changed over the past 4 months. When Matthew was born, I was most concerned about making sure he had strong male role models in his life and I am so thankful for his daddy, grandpas, and uncles who provide excellent examples for him everyday. When Ella was born, something changed in me. Growing up, I didn't have a great self-esteem. I thought I was ugly and fat and was sure that no one would ever see me as beautiful. I remember people telling me things like, "You are so smart" which translated in my head to, "Thank goodness you have brains because your looks are certainly lacking." All I ever really wanted was to be beautiful and I went to some pretty ridiculous extremes to try to attain it. In 5th grade, I went from 120 lbs to 93 lbs by eating only 1 Oatmeal Creme Pie for the entire day. In high school, I stopped playing volleyball after my freshman year and started playing soccer because it required more running and I thought that would make me beautiful. I would even go to 2-a-days and then go for a 5-6 mile run afterward to try to become beautiful.

When I met Ryan, he made me feel beautiful, and slowly, some of my issues faded into the background. But when Ella was born, those feelings came flooding back. I made a decision that I did not want my daughter to struggle with her self esteem the way I did. I think as women we all have moments where we look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we are fat or that our hair looks terrible, but as a Mommy I am trying to make a conscious decision to love myself so that Ella will learn to accept herself just the way she is. I think as moms this is probably one of the best things we can do for our daughters, not just telling them they are beautiful, but believing it about ourselves. As I watch Matthew learning so many new things each day, I realize most of what he learns he absorbs by watching us. If I model a positive self image for my daughter, my prayer is that she will also have a positive self image for herself. I know she is Mommy's little princess, now I just want her to believe it!

Some random thoughts...

Today, I found out one of my dear friends from high school is pregnant with her 2nd baby. Her children will be 16 months apart. Needless to say, she is slightly overwhelmed and experiencing many of the same feelings I had a few months ago. There were so many questions like: What would I do if both kids were crying at the same time? I had anxiety about what would happen if Matthew got hurt while I was caring for Ella. I had nightmares about losing my babies in a crowded place. There were moments when I wondered why God chose me for this and although I typically consider His sense of humor amusing, I was not the slightest bit amused.

When Ella was born I remember the first night at the hospital having this feeling that I could not breathe. I knew I could breathe and I knew there was nothing physically wrong with me, but I was definitely on the verge of a panic attack. The nurse brought Ella in and once I had her in my arms, I was just fine. That was the first of several new experiences for me.

I also had post-partum blues with Ella. I did not have one ounce of the blues with Matthew. I never cried or was weepy. I was out walking around the block within a couple days of having a c-section. I really didn't feel like my life was altered that much other than I was able to bring this beautiful baby boy along with me wherever I went and have people gush over him. It was a little different experience this time around. I was not weepy until we came home from the hospital. I was still having moments of anxiety and I felt like I didn't know how to manage my time between my children. My recovery was much more intense this time... probably because I didn't do what I was told. I hurt much longer than I remember hurting with Matthew and my incision did not heal as well this time. I can't really describe it other than to say that I felt completely overwhelmed and inadequate for several weeks following Ella's arrival. I was so happy to see that pass and I can definitely empathize with women who struggle for longer than I did.

After we made the initial adjustments and I realized that both babies were going to cry at the same time and Matthew was going to throw a fit when I had to feed Ella for the 10th time that afternoon, I started to settle into a routine. I began to realize that I didn't have to be supermom. I didn't have to feel guilty when I needed to have a break for 10 minutes (I remember one day saying to Ryan when he came home for lunch, "I am going to get the mail, I will be back in 1 hour"). I didn't have to get the final dishes put in the dishwasher before bed... they would certainly still be there in the morning. I didn't have to feel bad that I looked forward to naptime, or date night, or coffee with a girlfriend. All my kids really needed was for their mommy to love them unconditionally and I have done that the best way I can.

I cannot believe Matthew is 18 months old and Ella is already 3 months old. I know we will look back at this time and laugh at how crazy it was. I know we will laugh at how naive we were only a few short months ago. I know I will laugh as I think of myself trying to get in and out of places with 2 little babies (I am sure other people are laughing at me as they watch)... but what I am most thankful about is that I am laughing along the way. I love being a mommy to 2 of the most precious little faces I have ever seen, and I can't wait to see where this ride takes us next (it will not be to a 3rd child... unless God REALLY has a sense of humor)!

As I think of all the other mommies out there who are struggling to try to figure out this crazy roller coaster called parenthood, I hope we all can just enjoy the view from the top and hang on tight because it's bound to be a wild ride! Have a great day!

Mary Kay

Well, I am officially a Mary Kay consultant... Even as I type this, I am not sure what I was thinking! I am hopeful that this little venture will be a chance for me to meet a few new people and perhaps make a little money as well. The best part is that I have always used MK products and will receive a nice discount for selling them. Don't worry, I won't be hounding you to buy from me... I hate that. I may send you an occasional email or letter in the mail, but will hopefully be able to mainly go with word of mouth. If you know anyone who needs a MK lady, give them my name!

In other news, Matthew had his 18 month check-up today. He is 27.5 pounds (75 percentile) and 34.5 inches tall (90th percentile). He and Ella both have shots in the morning (pray for Mommy).

I have also had a spurt of energy devoted to their scrapbooks over the last couple weeks. I have done about 15-16 pages total and am almost caught up! I am so happy to be on the ball for once with their memory books. By the way, I LOVE my Cricut!

Have a great week!

YMCA Musings

Well, we joined our local YMCA a few weeks ago and let me tell you I always leave there with a story to tell. We are so thankful for our Y membership and have been utilizing it almost everyday (at least one of us). Here are a couple things that have happened since we joined the Y:

1. One day, there was a man on the treadmill next to me who smelled so strongly of B.O. that I nearly passed out. I was so paranoid that someone would think it was me, so I cut my workout short and moved to a different machine.

2. Today, there was a woman on the treadmill running > 8 mph. I am pretty sure some vehicles do not move that fast! She was flying!!!! I am going to stick with going around 6 mph for safety sake.

3. Once, when I stepped on a treadmill the woman beside me leaned over and said, "You might want to wipe that down, there have been 2 people on it who didn't wipe it off." I am not sure why some people do not think the rules apply to them. If you touch the machine, you are then entitled to wipe it off!

4. Our Y has a childwatch program where I can drop Matthew and Ella off while I workout. I LOVE IT! It is so nice for them to get to play with other kids and Mommy doesn't have to feel guilty for getting in a good workout. I found that trying to workout at home with them here is about impossible! However, it is almost as much of a workout for me to get both of them into the building as it is to complete a workout!

5. We have taken Matthew swimming in the pool several times and he is loving it! He even will jump off the side into Daddy's arms. We are thinking about taking a swimming class this spring. The only downfall I can see to the pool so far is that he thinks the bathtub is also his own personal swimming pool which makes for large messes sometimes! He got in the tub with his clothes on the other day while Daddy stood there and watched! That was a soggy diaper!

Frosty the Snowman

Daddy and Matthew playing in the snow!

Matthew kept falling down and had a hard time walking in the white stuff, so Daddy put him on top of the partially finished snowman to rest while he finished building it.

The finished product... sorry it's blurry, I dropped the camera in the snow! If you can't tell, Matthew is giving the snowman a hug in this picture!

Winter Fun

A few weeks ago we tried out Paige's Winter Jumperland with Matthew and Jacob. As you can tell, Ella was really enjoying herself!

Yes, Jacob is in this picture... Matthew just plowed him over coming down the slide together!

Lots of fun and a great way to burn energy. Best part: It's free for kids under 3!!!!

New hat!

Ella got a new hat, too!

Back to work...

Well, the time has come. I am headed back to work on Monday. Part of me is dreading it: leaving my babies, having to get up at 5 AM, dressing up, dealing with other people, more responsibility, being gone 20 hours. Part of me is excited: adult interaction, getting to show off pictures of my babies to some friends, having my Mom who is taking care of my kids while I am away, only working 1 full day and 2 half days each week. During my maternity leave, I have had many opportunities to consider why I work. Some of the reasons are completely selfish, like getting out of the house a couple days during the week. One of the main reasons I work is because I provide the insurance for myself, Matthew and Ella. Working in the medical field has allowed us to have 2 children and only pay our deductible for their deliveries/hospital stays. I know many people who do not have this luxury and I know we are blessed. Part of me wishes I could be a stay-at-home mom, the part that misses my kids like crazy everyday when I leave for work... this is also the part of me that has dissipated by the time Ryan gets home on the days when I don't work. I know being a mom is the hardest job I will ever have and I admire the women who do stay at home with their children. A larger part of me knows that being able to have some adult interaction and provide a small portion of my family's income for me is the right decision. I am probably typing this more to convince myself of this than anyone else. I do know that I am so blessed to be in the field I am, where I am allowed the flexibility to choose where/when I work. I know going back to work is going to be difficult... maybe even more this time than with Matthew because we do not plan to have anymore children and I will never again have this long of a stretch of time to spend at home with my kids. However, I also know that my kids are in the best possible care and even after a long day on the job I come home refreshed and excited to play with them and be the best possible Mommy I can be!
Hope you have a great week!

Couldn't resist...

Well, I am sure to be banned from the "Parent of the Year" nominations for posting this picture of my darling little girl, but I couldn't resist. I just love this stage where their eyes go crossed just about every time they are opened, and I was able to capture it on the camera last weekend. I think she looks a bit like a caricature in this picture! As you can all see, she is definitely not starving! We are planning to grow into our cheeks in 2011! Have a great day!

Joyful New Year!

As I was reading Facebook posts this morning and thinking about the upcoming year, I was thinking that wishing people a HAPPY New Year really didn't make that much sense to me. As much as it would be nice to have a HAPPY New Year, I realize that there are going to be times throughout the next year that will inevitably be unhappy. There will be moments of sadness, there might even be full days or weeks of sadness. There will be times when I do not feel at all HAPPY, when I am upset, mad, nervous, scared, etc. Not to be a total downer as we look ahead to the New Year, but I have decided that I will not be wishing people a HAPPY New Year for 2010. Instead, I think Joyful is a much better choice of words. No matter what happens during the next year of my life, I know Who I belong to, and that God has a master plan for all that happens in my life. I have little control over the day to day happenings in the world, whether they are happy, sad, devastating, or exciting. In fact, there are moments when I have no control over myself, but regardless of what happens in my world, I will still have JOY in my heart. The best news of all is that even in moments of great sorrow and pain, I have seen and experienced JOY in my own life and hope that each of you have as well. So, as we move forward in 2010, I wish you the JOY that comes from knowing how great a God we serve! JOYFUL 2010!

Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas! Matthew and Ella received beautiful gifts everywhere we went and Mommy and Daddy have spent the last couple days trying to make room for all their new things! Here is Matthew at Grandma and Grandpa Peppler's house on Christmas morning. He is playing with his new farm toys from Uncle Kyle and Lindsey! He LOVES them!

This is Matthew at Grandma and Grandpa Phegley's house on the 26th. He is playing with his new barn. It is pretty funny to watch him flap his wings like the chicken does on the barn!

Little Miss Ella received a new pink chair that is just her size! Can't wait for her to get a little bigger so she can play with some of her new toys! Right now, Mommy and Daddy are enjoying playing with them!

Here is Matthew at home checking out what Santa brought! He really likes his new Lego table and basketball hoop that he can make slam dunks on. We thought about raising it up, but decided we would build his confidence for right now and adjust the height later!

Hope everyone enjoyed their Christmases. We certainly did! Thank you to everyone for all the wonderful gifts! We are having lots of fun with all our new toys!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!

At the risk of having my husband and brother-in-law never speak to me again, I post this video! My mom got my dad a karaoke machine for Christmas and Ryan and Jared were among the first to try it out! Needless to say, we enjoyed their rendition of RESPECT!!! Hope you enjoy it as well!

Our Family

The Pepplers 2009

Daddy's little girl...

Mommy's little angel...

Big brother, Matthew

Ella Joy 11-18-2009

We had Ella's first photo shoot the other day. A good friend of ours, Chelsea Buwalda, took pictures of our family. We couldn't wait to share them with you! Ella is getting so big! She is still sleeping much of the time. Matthew is quite fond of his little sister all of a sudden and climbs up on the couch every chance he gets to give his baby sister a kiss. Hope you enjoy the pics!

Hello, dear blog...

It has been awhile since our last post... I must admit I have been a bit busy and slightly overwhelmed. The transition from one baby to two has been easy at times and absolutely exasperating the very next minute. I have learned a few things in the 3 short weeks that I have been caring for 2 small children:

1. Both children need/deserve my full attention every waking minute (even if those waking minutes are in the middle of the night). I have had to accept the fact that the dishes just might not get done or someone might come to the door right after Matthew dumps all his blocks on the floor for the 5th time.

2. Trends do not necessarily make habits. Ella only got up 2 times every night for the first 2 weeks of her life. Since that time, she has been up multiple times every night, sometimes for hours at a time. Last night was our longest night to date as I was awake from 11:18 PM until sometime after 4 AM.

3. This adjustment has probably been the hardest for Matthew. Sometimes I just scoop him up in my arms and hold him because I know he doesn't quite understand where he took a wrong turn and ended up with a little sister. He is typically very sweet with her, but I know he is probably pondering, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" He is just not able to articulate that to us.

4. Getting ready to go somewhere is much more difficult than it was with one child. I am looking forward to the day when Matthew understands the meaning of "hold my hand" and "you have to wait right here." Currently it is just easier to stay home although I know it is so good for all of us to get out of the house.

5. Phone calls and visits are so important. After spending most of my day reading books, cleaning fruit snacks out of the carpet, and building with Mr. Potato Head, adult interaction is critical to my sanity. I am so thankful for the strong support system I have around me, and that Ryan is able to help shoulder some of the load when he gets home from work.

6. Finally, I have learned that just when you think you have offered your last hug or given your last smile, your child can do something so sweet that your heart melts and somehow you have the ability to go on. Yes, my patience has been tested. Yes, I have felt like I might just not survive until 4 o'clock when Daddy gets home. Yes, there are moments when I feel like I am hanging on by a thread (a very frayed thread). BUT... I wouldn't change where I am in life right now for anything. I feel so blessed that God has chosen me to be Matthew and Ella's Mommy. I know there will be more moments of craziness, but for right now, I am just going to soak up this moment and love my babies the best I can. Hugs!

Ryan's New Blog

Hey, all! Ryan has started a new blog. www.minorleaguedad.blogspot.com

Bath Time Fun!

Matthew 2 months old!

Ella 3 days old!
I think they look like siblings, don't you?!?

We are enjoying being home. Miss Ella has been quite good since we arrived home on Friday. She has only been up twice both nights and is adjusting to life in the Peppler family quite nicely. Matthew is slowly taking more interest in his baby sister. Cousin Jacob and Caleb got to meet Ella for the first time this morning. She is going to have an entire entourage of boys to look after her! Have a great week!

Coming home today (Friday)

No pictures today. Just news. We are coming home tonight (Friday), so if anyone was planning on coming to the hospital, don't. We're planning on being home around dinnertime tonight. Jamie is doing so well that the doctor released her this morning. Ella has been passing all her tests as well. Hope all is well with everyone else. We could not be happier if we tried!

Picture of the day

Ella Joy

She's here! At 12:02 p.m., Miss Ella Joy Peppler made her much anticipated appearance in the world. 7 lbs, 15 oz., 20 inches long. And TONS of long, brownish, redish hair. Mommy and Ella are doing great. (Daddy and Matthew are, as well.) Check out the pics in the other post!

She's here!!! Pictures to prove it, too!

NEW VISITATION POLICY!!!

I might be the happiest person on earth right about now! I just received an email from work informing me that the temporary visitor policy banning children under the age of 18 from entering the hospital HAS BEEN LIFTED!!!!! I am so happy that Matthew will be allowed to come and visit us while we are at the hospital! I was very much dreading having to leave him for a couple days. I might even consider staying an extra day in the hospital at this point. I was originally planning to come home after 48 hours (72-96 is typical stay for a c-section), but now I may go ahead and stay the extra day!!!! I think I was more anxious about not being able to see him than I was about having my abdomen sliced open again! Now, I can just relax and wait for Wednesday to arrive!!!!!

Random pictures

Leaf time with Mommy and Daddy

Fall

One of Matthew's favorite activities is to see how small of a space his little body can fit into. This is him after he got stuck behind his ladder on his playground.

Ok, time to start trying to get out...

Little bit farther...

Help me!!!!

Modeling for the camera...