Little Stinker

Matthew cracks me up!! He has recently learned to shake his head no and is using this new trick much more often than Mommy thinks is necessary. He has also learned several new words over the past couple weeks thanks to Uncle Kyle and Grandpa Dave (constipation and sperm whale to name a few). We find ourselves laughing at him all the time and love it that he is developing his own personality. He is trying to put 2-3 words together and form sentences, but currently it sounds very jumbled and Mommy and Daddy are usually the only ones who know what he is saying. He is at the library right now with Daddy and Ella and I are supposed to be cleaning. So far, I have the floors swept and mopped. Looking forward to a fun weekend with the family! Better get back to work!

Mommy's little princess

Ella was baptized over the weekend (pictures of that soon). As I watched her this weekend, I realized that my little girl is already 4 months old and she is changing everyday. I also realized how much the Mommy in me has changed over the past 4 months. When Matthew was born, I was most concerned about making sure he had strong male role models in his life and I am so thankful for his daddy, grandpas, and uncles who provide excellent examples for him everyday. When Ella was born, something changed in me. Growing up, I didn't have a great self-esteem. I thought I was ugly and fat and was sure that no one would ever see me as beautiful. I remember people telling me things like, "You are so smart" which translated in my head to, "Thank goodness you have brains because your looks are certainly lacking." All I ever really wanted was to be beautiful and I went to some pretty ridiculous extremes to try to attain it. In 5th grade, I went from 120 lbs to 93 lbs by eating only 1 Oatmeal Creme Pie for the entire day. In high school, I stopped playing volleyball after my freshman year and started playing soccer because it required more running and I thought that would make me beautiful. I would even go to 2-a-days and then go for a 5-6 mile run afterward to try to become beautiful.

When I met Ryan, he made me feel beautiful, and slowly, some of my issues faded into the background. But when Ella was born, those feelings came flooding back. I made a decision that I did not want my daughter to struggle with her self esteem the way I did. I think as women we all have moments where we look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we are fat or that our hair looks terrible, but as a Mommy I am trying to make a conscious decision to love myself so that Ella will learn to accept herself just the way she is. I think as moms this is probably one of the best things we can do for our daughters, not just telling them they are beautiful, but believing it about ourselves. As I watch Matthew learning so many new things each day, I realize most of what he learns he absorbs by watching us. If I model a positive self image for my daughter, my prayer is that she will also have a positive self image for herself. I know she is Mommy's little princess, now I just want her to believe it!